I went to a conference last weekend in the beautiful city of Victoria, stayed at a hotel and spend a couple of days wandering around. I just love this city. I'm hoping to set up some work there for myself someday soon. This conference really helped to get my enthusiasm back and to meet other people in my profession who are so interesting, people I would love to get to know better. There were top notch speakers and everything was very well organized. I have made a vow to consistantly do this and never ever neglect my professional development again. The excuse I always have for myself is I don't have enough money, or time. That is total nonsense and I am reminded at tax time that I can afford it because when I attend these conferences, the taxes I get back almost compensate the whole thing. But more importantly, the passion for my work is rejuvenated, I get to interact with new people and maybe create new opportunities for myself. I just love the whole thing. This is the very reason I went to school for so many years. To get out of my dead end job and make something out of myself and learn every day.
I heard Anthony Robbins say one time that he was amazed at how many people are looking to get out of the 'rut' they are in when actually they could begin by honouring their own profession by giving it the care and nurturing it deserves. He suggested taking courses and upgrading qualifications that you already have. That really hit home for me, sometimes when I am pining for change, the answer is right there in front of me. There could be a niche within your job scope that you have not pursued, a type of specialist certification that could be done. It's all up to you. I have turned over a new leaf with respecting my own profession and I am now going to work hard to upgrade my qualifications to reflect some particular interests of mine. And...have fun doing it.
Hope
After my son died, over 10 years ago, I went to a mediumship (spiritualist) demonstration and was given messages that absolutely confirmed my already solid belief in the spiritual world. No surprise really but a welcome gift in my process of intense grieving. I don't really know how people can get through a death without such a belief, it was essential for me. Even before my tragedy, I had an strong belief in spirit, I had always believed that we are spiritual beings living a human experience in order to learn something, the earth school. So the messages I received that night and the many I have received subsequent to this time have been a guiding light in my life. I still feel that although he is gone, I have constant contact with him, including some guidance, and will see him when it is my time to pass over.
I stumbled on an author Wendi Corsi Staub who writes about a town called Lily Dale in New York State and its quirky, wonderful, talented people. She grew up not far from this town and is familiar with its appeal. I have always wanted to visit Lily Dale but have not yet had the chance to do so. It's amazing how a belief in a spiritual existence changes everything about how we experience our human challenges.
Recently there has been much more open discussion about the value of hallucinogenic drugs like ecstasy for therapeutic uses. Believers don't need drugs to get the perspective of a spiritual existence but recently there has been more and more evidence that using drugs in a careful way can help a person get to the place of seeing life experiences as spiritual lessons in a way has been changing people's lives. Even CNN had reported such studies. It makes you think doesn't it?
Some people get this perspective through their religious beliefs, some through healers (like mediums) here on earth, and others through the therapeutic uses of drugs. No matter how we get here, we need some help to understand the human experiences that we can't cope with. I believe this is a statement about our crazy culture and how we don't allow anything outside of what is considered 'normal' to be Incorporated into our reality. We need to expand our horizons. It makes life much more understandable and our ability to continue on through tragedy much stronger.
Hope
About 15 years ago (yikes time flies!) I was going through the most difficult time of my life. My marriage was over, I had no money or a job, I had family difficulties that were extremely challenging that I was solely responsible for taking care of. As I write this I realize just how difficult that time was. I was totally alone, family support has not been a strong suit in my world and I was in a new place where I had not yet made any friends. I still marvel at how I got through that time, not just got through it but changed my life forever. It was pivotal. When I realized that my marriage was completely over, I knew that my ex would be thinking of himself as we negotiated our future lives and.... he did. No surprise. I had always put myself second in the relationship in many ways, my mistake. I had never found a way to honour my own life and needs while tending to the needs of my family. A lot of women do this I now realize. Anyway he was vigilant in looking out for his own needs and not caring at all about my needs (or his children's needs) nor did he consider and appreciate what I had contributed to our family. I expected this and did not even feel angry about it, it's just who he is, still is. Somehow I got the strength during that time to stop everything, evaluate what was important, I ate healthy food, I took long walks everyday and read spiritual books, I consulted with a good lawyer and I also consulted with spiritual advisers. That time changed my life forever. I decided I was not going to live in bitterness or victimhood as I could have but decided to take this as an opportunity to just be in the moment, enjoy the present and make decisions that would make my future much more rich (not money rich) and fulfilling.
I did what I needed to do, dealing with legal papers and some stressful interactions with my ex during the negotiation process but I was able to let it go after it was dealt with and continue to enjoy the moment. This was not something I could do before, things would bother me and I would worry relentlessly. I began to look at his seemingly selfish behavior as fear and his grasping as attempts to preserve his feelings of safety and security. I started to feel compassion for him for the way this was affecting him but all the while being very confident and strong in looking after my own future with the help of a good lawyer. Strong yet compassionate. He was amazed that nothing was phazing me, he could sense my strength. I constantly told him that none of my negotiations had anything to do with anger at him or wanting to hurt him in any way. It seemed that he believed that. I did feel so strong and confidant that I was going to be just fine and that everything would work out in the end. I have had challenges since then but I maintained that calm and faith throughout. We are still on good terms because of the way our ending transpired, there were no hard feelings. He knows that I was just acting respectfully toward myself and my needs and not doing anything to hurt him or be vengeful. In fact he started treat me in a much more respectful way after that. Funny how that works, start treating yourself as if you matter and others follow suit, this is so true!
One of the most influential books I read during this time was The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and his subsequent book A New Earth. I read many many spiritual books to gain strength during this time but none more helpful than these two. I still refer to them on an almost daily basis and was fortunate to be able to see Eckhart Tolle in a live event here in Vancouver where he lives. He also has a place on one of the Gulf Islands now, how unbelievably amazing it is that my life should end up with so much in common with his. Being close to nature is essential to me now.
I thought of this post today after I read this article, it reminded me so much of the power of spiritual beliefs during a time of crisis or when you think your life is meaningless. It changes everything. I still get caught up in worrying about money, job, lots of things as everyone does, but now I know what to do to pull myself back to what really matters. I have people in my life who really care and love me but more importantly I don't depend on them for my emotional needs, I take good care of myself and am able to give more love because of this. These books still help me deal with what life brings while keeping my joy.
I am so grateful.
Hope
This is a picture of a driftwood beach shack that we found on the beach today. When I first arrived on the westcoast, I was shocked at the size of the driftwood at the beach. Where I grew up there were pockets of driftwood, a lot smaller because the trees are smaller, and we had to search quite a long time to gather enough for a bonfire, which we did often. Here, the driftwood is huge and everywhere you go, you have to walk over them to go for a walk on the beach as we did today.
Anywhere that you find driftwood around here it seems that someone ends up building a hut, I'm not sure who does it but it so charming. I can only imagine if it was a romantic rendezvous or some kids having a party or who knows what. I always envision what it would be like to be able to stay there for a few days. Too cold right now, but later in the summer.
I especially love this one and its beautiful decorations at the doorway. Someone lovingly brought jewelry to adorn their creation and left it behind for all of us to enjoy. How wonderful. What a great place to live.
Hope
This is a picture of what we call here a 'car-stop' which is a place to stand while waiting for a lift from someone in a car who is passing by. This is similar to what many of the islands here are doing. When I was young, hitchhiking was a cool, common thing to do especially for young people. Our parents worried and told us not to but we all did it anyway. Lots of 60's and 70's music is filled with references to this phenomenon. However, in recent years it has become much more unusual to see anyone hitching a ride let alone daring to pick anyone up. I know as a woman especially if I'm driving alone, I wouldn't even consider it. But island life is a little different. Hitching a ride here is pretty much a normal way to get around and people consider it to be pretty safe and as far as I know it is. They formalized the process a bit by creating places all over the island where people can stand and cars can offer rides if they want to. First of all it provides some safety in that there is some space for cars to pull off the road and so that the hitchhikers aren't dangerously close to the road. At night it is pitch black around here.
Today was the first day that I actually stopped. Being a fairly new full time resident I don't know that many people yet so I am still a bit hesitant, so today I bit the bullet and picked up a young man who was going to work. We had a very interesting conversation along the way and I was so glad that I offered him a lift. I would have missed out on the opportunity to meet a new and interesting person. Who knows what this meeting could mean, these are the small things that lead to connection to community.
Years ago I moved to a small village in Germany. I knew no one and spoke very little german. Luckily I had taken a course in german just before I left but being in the middle of a town of all german speakers, I quickly realized that my book-german was not going to get me very far. With the accents and local dialects it was as if I knew nothing. So I went about my business of moving in and getting settled in our house. I had remembered from our german teacher that Friday is the traditional day to buy flowers 'blumen-tag', or 'flower day' so I went to the end of the street which the main street in the village, to the flower shop and went in to buy some flowers in my school-book german, introducing myself as the new foreigner in town. The flower shop lady was very sweet and said how pleased and surprised that I knew any of the language and was willing to speak to her and introduce myself. I didn't know at the time that many foreigners do not do that, they speak English and hope that people understand. I was so happy that she was so friendly. She said she was one of my neighbours. I suggested getting together sometime. She immediately said, when? Taken aback a bit, I invited her over for coffee, kaffe-kuchen as it is known there, and she accepted. She arrived with a friend on the day we arranged with flowers and gifts, we had a lovely visit and from then on we were invited to every event on the street. I will be forever grateful for their kindness and generosity. If I had not reached out that day, I'm not sure that it would have unfolded exactly in this way. I was told later that people there usually wait for the newcomers to show interest in the community before they act.
This is how small acts sometimes cause big changes. This was the first real act of reaching out to a stranger that I've done in a long time. It felt good.
Hope
I've been really thinking about something lately. What is family? I spent most of my adult life moving around due to my ex-husbands job. I really enjoyed most of the interesting places I have lived and because of always having to adapt to new places, I've really appreciated the value of friends and kind neighbours or even strangers. Most of what I have been through in my life was only shared by the people that I was in contact with while I lived in those places. My family back in the east coast were not that interested in what I was doing, it was up to me to keep the contact and make sure I visited every once in a while to stay connected. But now I don't belong there at all anymore, nor do I want to. I have much more in common with the folks I live around now, having settled in the Pacific Northwest. But every now and then some family event happens that I am required to go to, lets say weddings and funerals, so I go and share some of their memories but they don't know anything about my life and don't really seem to care about my life the way I live it now. Yet there is a sense that I have to keep up my end of the family obligations and act accordingly. I feel like a big fake. They act as if I am a part of it when I really am not and haven't been for a long time. I'm not sure what to do about this or if I have to do anything. I can keep on going and doing my part, just being there as the 'picture' of the family, join in the sharing of stories, then go home to my life as it is. They really don't care as long as I keep up my end of the bargain. But I've been increasingly feeling like a fraud. Like I am pretending to be a part of a big connected family that I really don't feel connected to at all. I wonder how other people navigate this dilemma. I know there are so many of us out there who are family in name only, their real family is their day to day connections with those who love them, those who share their real life. I've heard it called their 'chosen family'. I'm starting to believe that I can only tolerate the family of origin dynamics if I put my chosen family first. Who is more important than those who love you and help you through the most important things in your life. For me that is not my birth family, it is a collection of others who have been there for me no matter what. Along with a few family members, like my daughter, who has lived a similar life and totally gets this. I can count on one hand the people I consider my family.
I have come to the conclusion that nurturing the old family connections would leave me surrounded by people who just want me to fit in to their lives, whereas if I nurture the relationships with those around me who are always there for me, I am creating my new family. My old family will always have their place but the love in my new family is reciprocal, more respectful of the needs of my soul.
I think we all wrestle with this somewhat don't we? We all have to find our place in the world. That's what life is all about isn't it?
Hope
One of the most amazing things I saw while I was living in Alaska was gigantic starfish something like this picture. Once, we were staying for the weekend in the beautiful seaside village of Homer Alaska and everyone we talked to told us to make sure we took a trip on a little ferry called the 'Danny J' which left from the Homer Spit. We did and it was one of the best things I've ever done.
It was a lovely little ride around some small islands, we saw puffins and other seabirds, sea otters and once we got to Halibut Cove, we got off the boat to stay for a few hours wandering around the boardwalks and pathways. Halibut Cove is a small artists community with only about 25 or so permanent residents, with one restaurant and many art galleries. While walking along the boardwalk I saw in the water the most huge, amazing starfish in all different colours. This was the first time I had ever seen such a thing, even though I grew up near the ocean on the east coast. We have many similar starfish here in the Pacific Northwest too, I see one almost everytime I go out for a walk by the water. I never get tired of seeing them. They come in many sizes and colours too.
Isn't that just amazing!!! The other day we went out for a walk on the beach and we saw a seagull struggling with something huge in its mouth...we stayed a while and watched until we finally realized it was a very large starfish. It took the seagull many tries and lots of flinging to finally break it apart and swallow it. It was almost the size of the seagull itself. It looked something like this except the starfish was even larger:
Something just recently brought memories flooding back that I hadn't thought of in a long time. That day I was in Halibut Cove, I looked around at the houses and the lifestyle of the people who lived there and thought to myself 'I'd like to live like this someday'. I was completely enchanted and my life at the time was not anything like the life that was there in front of me. I literally hadn't thought about that in over 10 years. I really meant it when I said that to myself but I also thought it was not possible. Now here I am 15 years later, living on an island on the westcoast, seeing starfish whenever I want to , surrounded by artists and interesting people. Really living the kind of lifestyle I envied back then. I think I had inadvertently set an intention that day. I am a big believer in intentions, they are powerful things. Once that intention was set, I made decisions later on in my life that led me to the ideal life that I had pictured there. One seemingly unconnected decision after another and here I am without realizing I was doing it. Wow!
This is the thinking behind vision boards. Creating a board of pictures or images of what we want to draw into our lives. Once you can visualize a goal I believe it is much more likely that you can achieve it. I had a real life vision of a life that I wanted and ended up creating one very similar with all the characteristics that attracted me about that place. Minus the Alaskan winters, dodged a bullet there. Everytime I see starfish now I am reminded of what I have created.
Hope
In a previous blog entry I talked about the movie Office Space and how it struck a chord with me years ago and how, in time, the movie became a cult classic. I realized I was not the only one who saw the absurdity of many office environments not by a long shot. It seems there are legions of us, we're just quiet about it 'cause it makes us look bad. I used to think it was my lack of a stellar work ethic but now I'm proud of myself for having a work ethic for work that makes sense and is important to me. In the movie, TPS reports are synonymous with the tedious meaningless paperwork of the office environment":
"the "TPS report" has come to connote pointless mindless paperwork, and an example of "literacy practices" in the work environment that are "meaningless exercises imposed upon employees by an inept and uncaring management" and "relentlessly mundane and enervating". According to the film's writer and director Mike Judge, the acronym stood for "Test Program Set" in the movie" -Wikipedia-
Since then there have been cartoons (Dilbert) and lots of blogs and other stuff written about the subject. There are so many people out there these days who feel the same way. Just today I overheard a conversation between a young looking 40ish woman and her friend, who was discussing early retirement from her legal profession. She said she kept her license active just in case. She looked very happy and relaxed. She also happened to mention that she spent her early career making money and now she just makes bread. How wonderful.
I have also been a fan of Ernie Zelinski for years now. He is an educated man, an engineer and has an MBA, but has no tolerance for a lot of the ridiculousness and constraints of a regular job. He began to see this when year after year he was asked to accept cash instead of taking a vacation because they needed him at work. He started to wonder where his life was and where he was headed so he took an unauthorized vacation, got fired then got started on his real life, writing books and enjoying life. With lots of scary cash strapped years in between then and now, he writes about it and makes a good living. See The Joy of Not Working and others for some inspiration.
Unfortunately, many people don't stop the way he did, they go on with this craziness their whole lives and don't realize the toll it is taking on their personal life. I believe this is what's behind what we call 'mid life crisis'. It's when someone realizes that they've missed living their whole lives and put all their life energy into work. Just think about how sad that is. I've spoken to people who are heartbroken when their work place starts to push them aside in favour of younger, more energetic and talented new staff. It's just business after all, but what these people gave to their job was far greater than they ever thought. They expected that the reward would be worth it, but when they look back at all the time they missed with friends, family and taking time to keep themselves happy and healthy, they realize the true price they paid and found it was not actually worth it. Then they have to play catch-up in middle life, and you never really catch up. Trying to re-capture a lost youth in middle age is just plain sad and futile.
One thing Ernie talks about in one of his book is that people who just can't stand the absurdities of the average workplace have certain things in common, he calls it being organizationally averse. Love that description. As for me, it was in a mind-numbing federal government job that gave me the courage to go back to graduate school to get a masters degree. The best decision I have ever made. I literally couldn't stand the thought of spending my whole life in that kind of a job. While some people love their jobs and even love their organizations, there are those that find the routine and monotony of the cubicle life soul-annihilating.
Then there's Tim Ferriss of 4 hour work week fame. He couldn't bear the colossal waste of his valuable time. So he now works his butt off, just like Ernie does but has a rich life besides his work. And he gets to make his own schedule etc. He now has an amazingly successful career.
I have to mention here that there are people out there who love the work environment and all that goes with that routine. I spoke to a woman just a few months ago who is in marketing and can work from home everyday if she chooses and set her own schedule but she goes in to the office almost everyday because she loves the structure, the camaraderie and the atmosphere of the office. So there are all kinds out there, its just that those of us who had 'organizational averse' tendencies were often looked down upon as being the ones who were somehow lacking when in fact we are probably in the majority and need to respect our needs to find work that suits us.
Here's a tree from my walk today... one of many like this. Love trees.
This shot from the ferry terminal last week on my 'commute'. What a gorgeous evening. Starting to feel like spring.
.
Hope
One of the things that most intriqued me when I first started coming over to the islands to visit were these arbutus trees (called madrone or madrona in the US). They grow in mediteranean climates and must be near the ocean. They have red bark that looks like it's peeling all the time, it loses its leaves in summer oddly enough and has white flowers and red berries. It remains green all winter.
Whenever we go for a hike around the island, as we get close to the ocean, there are many of them especially in the cliffy hilly areas. All twisty and colourful, they make great backdrops for pictures. It's really hard to believe that they only grow here on some parts of the west coast. When we went to Orca's Island in the San Juan Islands a few years ago there was one road in particular that had arbutus trees lining the side of the road for a mile or so. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen.
It's amazing how different the vegetation is here on the islands, it really is what they call a mediteranean climate. So different from the weather to the east. They can grow entirely different things here. The first time I saw a monkey tree in Vancouver I couldn't believe it!
Some of them were absolutely huge, they look like cactuses or jungle trees. And I've actually seen palm trees here too. At the ferry terminal on this island there is a palm tree about 6 ft high.
This summer I'm going to make a point of taking pictures of all the plants and trees that are new to me and maybe share them here. So wonderful.
Hope
This is a picture sent to me today of an east coast family member's back door during the snowstorm they are having!! And it's not over yet!!!! This is what sometimes makes me nostalgic for those snowed in days and weekends when this kind of a storm arrives and it's kind of cozy as long as the power doesn't go out and you have a decent size house to hide out in. You are at risk for cabin fever the smaller your living space is. The sound is muffled and the snow keeps the heat in the house (it's the best insulator) so its toasty warm and silent. However, when it's over you have to go out and spend hours and hours shoveling, backbreaking work, and that I don't miss at all!! But during the storm it's kind of fun.
On the other hand.......this is what's going on in my neck of the woods. Hard to believe it's still Canada. Yes, we have daffodil shoots coming up and I've been feeling, hearing and seeing signs of spring. The geese are honking at night (mating I guess), the tree frogs are waking up ( what a wonderful sound) in the city some of the plum trees are blossoming and it's staying light later at night, til about 6pm. This is the time of year when the west coast is such a contrast to the rest of Canada. The older I get the more I appreciate it. Winter was not hard for me to manage when I was younger, in fact I loved it, but now it its different.
Really appreciating our weather this weekend.
Hope
This is a picture I just took while out for a drive today just a few minutes ago, it is a very common sight around here and one I thought I would share. She sweetly stopped and looked while I jumped out of the car to take the picture. On any given day I will see around 10 deer while out for a short drive to the store or whatever. I'm not kidding! They are everywhere!!! And fairly tame too, a lot of people leave food out in their yard, especially in winter, for them to nibble on while the food is a little scarce. There is much discussion among the islanders about whether or not this is a good idea. Some say that people should not feed them as it will keep them hanging around the houses instead of foraging more up in the less populated hills and that they are more in danger from becoming too dependant on people instead of their own resources. Others feel that they need a little extra help during the winter months. Hard to say really. Another issue that is discussed is whether or not to 'cull' the deer or allow hunting at certain times of the year. They say they are way over populated, unnaturally so as there are no natural predators on the island, and that something has to be done. They are on the road a lot and get into people's gardens so much that they need to erect very tall fortress-like fences in order to keep the deer from eating everything in the garden. Almost nothing is safe. On a neighbouring island there are a different breed of deer which are even more aggressive, knocking down fences and absolutely ruining even fairly large farms. To me, the average newcomer or visitor, they are just sweet and charming and so nice to have around. This is what happens when you become a resident. You have to be more considerate of the real life consequences of things. This isn't just a pastoral scenic vacation spot anymore, its real life. Learning more everyday.
Hope
A few years ago I decided, after much research, to begin managing my own money. That meant signing up for my own trading account with a brokerage firm. It was much easier than I thought it would be. I have never exactly had a bad financial advisor who mismanaged my money in an obvious thieving kind of way, but after I began to learn about investments, the stockmarket and all that it entails, I realized that simple is better and that I could do as well or better than they were for me. Another thing I realized is that the whole setup is geared to make them and their organization money. Nothing wrong with that but most of us don't realize that they take their share of your money first and we get the rest. I want all of it for myself especially if I am willing and able to do the work to invest my money.
It is not for everyone, I realize. I've heard stories of people investing too much of their retirement money, for example, in tech stocks or something like it that they thought for sure would go up, only to find that they lost a lot of their money. I'm not rich so I don't want to lose any if I can help it. As Warren Buffet says " first rule of investing is: don't lose the money, second rule is: don't lose the money". Sounds obvious but it isn't. People are so sure they can make a fortune with one good pick on a hot tip, but too often it fails miserably. I, on the other hand, am almost too cautious, although I'm not sure that there is such a thing in investing. As I've mentioned in a previous post I read a book called Your Money or Your Life a few years ago and it changed everything for me. The main author was a financial advisor himself and saw the corruption and self-serving nature of the investment business and vowed to get out of it. So he saved hard and invested it all in totally safe investments (in his case it was bonds which were more lucrative at that time) then he left the business and spent the rest of his life educating people about taking charge of their own investments. This book made such an impact on me and really hit home about some of my very personal values. I am so glad I read it.
Unlike him, I can't afford to retire yet, but I am doing my best to plan for that. Last year I took some of my money out to pay for some of the renos we are doing. This is money well spent as far as I'm concerned. This house will be really wonderful when it's all done. The rest I am investing in mostly low cost index funds and bond funds that are pretty safe. I also occasionally take a chance, with a small amount of money, on a business that I think is fairly safe but going through a downturn for some reason. So far this has been a workable strategy for me. Everyone has their own plan, you have to know what you are comfortable with.
The first and most important step is to educate yourself, I used the website investopedia to begin my learning and found it very helpful.
As we've all discovered in the last few years, the financial industry is largely there to protect their own interests and make themselves more money. As a wise person once said, 'no one cares about your money more than you do' . So true.
Hope
I've noticed something since I've moved here.....winters are easier to bear on the island! I don't feel as down as I have in past years in the middle of february. I've been trying to figure this out because everytime I go back to the city I notice how cold and gray it looks. By contrast the island is still almost as green as it is in summer, maybe moreso because the grass always turns brown from the heat and dry of summer. Where we lived in the city there were only deciduous trees and in winter it was quite barren looking. I remember one year after coming back from a wonderful two weeks in Kauai thinking that my city was so damn ugly and grey. Usually I rhapsodize about it's great beauty but I just looked around after the contrast of Hawaii and I couldn't believe it. Our island isn't as fantastic as a tropical island but but it's better than the city. Another plus.
Watched the movie Groundhog Day as is my usual ritual on groundhog day. Love that movie on so many levels. I need a reminder every year.
In the middle of a terrific book called When You're Falling, You Dive by Mark Matousek. It's the first book I've read that is written by and about someone who has been through tragedy and is managing to live a rich life. He asks the question what are the common factors among people who have been through so much and have managed to not only survive but thrive and live a more meaningful life. Most books that are written about being 'an artist of life' or about getting the most out of life are generally about maybe getting through a divorce or some other life challenge. Not to minimize that kind of suffering but a real tragedy is something else completely. Many people think that when you've been through real tragedy, you are permanently scarred and don't really recover. From my own experience, I was stunned to find out how many there were like me, who had been through a lot and don't really talk about it because it's just too hard for others to hear about it so we just quietly go about life. Only our friends and family know. Quiet courage. Anyway, I am enjoying this book so much. I'll share more when I'm done.
Hope
Well, Friday was one of the nicest days we've had around here in a long time, so we ditched the painting plans and went out for a walk and just sat at a viewpoint on a bench for about an hour taking in the wonderful view and reminding ourselves of why we came here in the first place and why we need to keep working at it. We needed a reminder. The middle of January is tough at the best of times but sometimes you can really forget how wonderful a nice day feels when you're inside all the time. When the sun came out, we looked out and decided on the spot to spend the day by the ocean. We wished we had brought a picnic but who thinks of that in winter? It seemed like everyone had the same idea, we ran into a lot of people on the trail. It felt like paradise here. Can't wait until summer now, and what motivation to keep on working until our place is done.
Sometimes it seems like we'll never get to the end of the jobs but while we're working at this we make a point of stopping what we're doing and enjoying good food, a movie maybe and going out to do a little shopping or to a local restaurant.
I am so looking forward to when we just have normal chores to do and we can live our normal life with a house that is finished. We are so close. When you are this close to a goal it seems that there's a plateau, an inertia that you have to get past to finish. I've been struggling with this lately so I was looking for some info on how to get past this phase, it can't be that uncommon. So I stumbled on this article about staying motivated while trying to accomplish something. Now I feel so much better. This is so true. Like the famous line by Woody Allen, 'most of success is just showing up'.
I thought about that a lot during the years after a great tragedy in my life.
I decided to keep showing up for life when it seemed like there were a lot of reasons to give up. I showed up and people showed up for me. I didn't need anything spectacular from anyone, just be there. I learned a lot from that time. I learned how to be there for other people too, even when you don't know what to do or say, it matters and it makes a big difference when you can stay with it and be there.
So we are going to continue to be there for ourselves and for our work on the house and we are going to make it!
Hope
I've realized something about island life that I'm not sure I know how to deal with. The fact is that getting people ie: plumbers, electricians etc to come to your house to do some work is not easy. They often don't come, don't call, show up later unexpectedly, overcharge, and on and on. We were told by people who have lived here for years that this was true even before we moved here. Because PJ is a carpenter we didn't worry too much, he can do a lot himself. But now we have seen that there are things we need help with and that we can't rely on them. At least we haven't found the secret yet. On the other hand, you hear islanders complain about people who get their help off-island. What do you do? We were of the mind to hire local and support the local economy but it's not working out for our need to get everything done.
Dilemma. Do we just go with the island pace and live in a half finished house for years longer than we want or do we do the unthinkable and hire someone to come over to help. We need to think about this. We need to keep the relationship with our community in mind always, this is such an important thing. But we've heard even local people talk about going off island for services that they can't get here. We're new here so it's a little different. People won't be as forgiving and we don't want to piss anyone off at least now before we know who's who. My many years of moving around has taught me that. Be nice to everybody at first, don't jump into any friendship right off the bat, take your time to get to know people and then it will be easy to spot the good ones, the ones you can trust. Then, voila, really good friends who are really good people. In other words, tread lightly at first, bide your time until you know people and situations and the answers will come. I think I just answered my own question.
And isn't that what we should all do in our lives anyway? Most of the biggest mistakes I have ever made was not sitting long enough to evaluate wisely and let the issue unfold long enough to know in my gut what to do. Internal compass. The best source of wisdom ever invented yet I still want to sort things out now!! Patience.
I need to read the poem Desiderata again, one of my favourite guides to living well that ever existed.
Ok, so its patience and observing and listening to my inner wisdom it is. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hope
Took the ferry back to the city this morning. In a way its good to be out and about with all the people who are going about their business, I get to peek inside their lives for a moment and I find myself wondering where they are going and where they come from. I have always done that while I travel. I let my imagination construct a story about everyone I meet. It would be so much fun to find out how right or wrong I was.
I'm realizing that I have to get serious about finding my permanent work situation (is anything permanent?) so I can plan more on the island. Things are just too up in the air for me right now. I'm tired of all the uncertainty and I need to get real and make decisions. Enough of all this wishful thinking, as much as I love it. We've set up a perfect foundation for our new life, now we have to take ACTION to make it work. I've been waffling for too long now.
Funny I have never though of consulting with anyone about organizing before but I'm starting to see that I'm not as good at that as I used to be. The thought has crossed my mind to consult with someone who is totally objective and will kick my butt. This is what my wishcraft exercises are teaching me too but I am feeling like I need outside help.
Anyway, I will let you know what I do and if it works. Its so easy to stall the at the action stage. And I'm stalling. I guess this is January isn't it.....new beginnings.
Hope
One thing I sort of anticipated, partly because we owned our island place years before we moved here, is the lack of need to lock everything up when we leave our house or car. In the city, we had enough experiences with theft and damage to lock everything, all the time. Even if I went for a short walk around the block or left my car to duck into a 7-11, I locked. I knew how desperate some people were (especially because I worked with some of these people) and was very aware that there are those that are always on alert for any opportunity, either a professional thief or a desperate person. One of my clients told me once that even when he when he turned over a new leaf and stopped stealing, he couldn't help noticing when people left their purse wide open or their car doors unlocked. He had radar for that sort of thing. He no longer acted on it, but he still noticed it years later. I was never paranoid about it but just realistic.
Our first observation was when the builders were working on the framing of the new addition. Their tools were all over our yard while working. They dropped them exactly where they were working at 5pm on Friday night and left them there til their return on Monday morning. We couldn't believe it. These were valuable power tools, not just hammers and nails. Nothing ever went missing. They laughed when we commented. City people.
I was in a store on the island the other day when I overheard one salesperson talk to another about the time she left her purse outside of the store on a picnic table in the park, wide open with her iphone right on top. She noticed an hour later that her purse was not with her, went to the table and there it was iphone and all. She congratulated herself for moving to the island.
So we never lock our door unless we're away for a few days, we leave a key where workers and neighbours can use it to get in, we don't lock our car on the island, in summer we can leave the car windows open all the time, I never worry about being here alone. Feels good to have that basic trust in your community and just makes life easier in general.
Hope
As I've been doing my homework about goals I came across what Barbara Sher calls being an 'artist of life'. She brought this up when asking us to choose a target and suggests that when you are solidifying a target you must take into consideration what kinds of dreams actually mean the most to you. For example, if someone wants to be rich and famous, is it for the public adulation, is it for the money and lifestyle, is it a stepping stone for other business opportunities, is it to prove to anyone who said you wouldn't amount to anything that you've made it? The goal itself is important but why you want that goal is as important or even more so. I've heard stories that once someone has 'made it' they looked around and it felt sort of empty, as if it should feel more rewarding than it does. Understanding why you chose this goal makes a big difference in how you experience acheiving it.
When I saw the phrase 'artist of life' I realized that this was me and that it is for a lot of island people, at least those who have chosen the island lifestyle. This means that for us, total quality of life is all-important. This really hit home, I've been in situations in the past where I could have chosen more of a career path and sacrificed other things but I find that extremely difficult and not worth it actually. No amount of money in the world is enough for me to sacrifice my day to day pleasures of the small things in life. I always feel like I'm wasting precious time, I need to have a good balance of both.
Last night I watched the movie Morning Glory on Netflix and I was kind of in awe of the main character, a woman who was extremely career oriented, loved to put every speck of energy she had into her work and loved every minute of it even if the pay wasn't that good, she loved the process and lived for it. I said to myself, this is not me at all but I can vicariously enjoy her life (and wish I had half of her energy). She was at the point in her career where she was giving it all and her personal relationships or lack thereof were beginning to show. She was beginning to realize this and was forced to narrow down her life goals and make some decisions. Her colleague Mike warned her not to make the same mistakes that he made, saying that he found out too late how important it was to put relationships up there with career goals. Interestingly the director was the same director as The Devil Wears Prada where the message is the same, Don't Give Up Everything For Your Career or You'll End Up Alone and Miserable in Your Success. Modern day Ebenezer Scrooges. Still true.
BUT.....as long as we know what we want, and are willing to accept the consequences of our choices, what the heck. We CAN choose to be rich and alone and shallow if we want to be, it's our decision. I always admire people who aren't afraid to admit that to themselves and others. Like Miranda Priestly who suffers some heartbreak but ultimately said 'they all want to be like us', and went on with her life. She paid the price willingly it seems. Not me. Not most of us I think.
Those of us who put lifestyle first, who are Artists of Life (I love that phrase) have to accept and honour that our goals of life quality are at the top of our priorities and we don't need to be ashamed of that, on the contrary, we should be proud.
This whole discussion has led me to another post, therapeutic movies and books. Later.
Hope
Still working on the workbook wishcraft. The most recent exercise asks us to imagine, without editing or considering any limitations, what our ideal day would look like. When I did mine I found that my ideal day was not too far off from what my life is like now. There were some differences like no money worries, we get to do what we want to do rather than have to work for money, but aside from that it was pretty similar. Maybe I just have no imagination or maybe I am close to living the way I want to live. I'm not sure. Anyway, the next thing we are asked to do is pick out the aspects of our day that are 1.essential, the ones that are 2.optional and the ones that are 3.frills, then looking at our essential list, figure out what's in the way of having them. What is the first step to take to make the essentials your life.
Whew. This sounds fun but its hard. I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself, this is just an exercise right?
Here's my essential list:
writing for work
travel/mobility
setting my own schedule/work from home
meaningful work
connection to a world wide community
PJ happy in his work too
enough money not to worry about bills
There. Now what's in the way. I already have some of these things but not exactly the way I want them. So...I don't write for a job yet. There's that. And I don't have enough money to not worry about it. I can set my own schedule pretty much but I don't work from home. My work is already very meaningful. I do not have a solid international community yet either. PJ is not happy with work at the moment.
So I need to find out how to write for a living.
Work from home.
Develop a community.
Make enough money, then PJ can find something he likes more.
Now.... the steps to take to make this happen, that's the next part and I have to think about it. This is the really hard part, the ACTION phase. It's easy to talk but more difficult to take action.
Funny how this all does tie in with my moving to an island. This is what islanders do...they make it work. They chose lifestyle first and then find a way. I'm becoming a real islander. Huh.
Anyway, on with my task.
Hope
It was probably the 3rd of January when I finally realized it's a new year! My usual time of reflecting and renewal is September for some reason so this sort of escaped me for a few days. As the realization dawned on me I began to get the hopeful feelings that thoughts of the future bring. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who sees the world as an open book to be savoured and enjoyed, I only regret the things I'm not doing. And that's a lot these days. One of my major concerns is being so focused on this project of ours, how much am I missing out on the other things in life? I don't feel a balance yet but this is the way it is when you have a big goal like this. The truth is, what we're doing is the foundation for such amazing exploration of all kinds of things...travel, developing friendships, community connections, so much. We are so focused on our task that it seems we are lacking in these areas right now. One of the reasons it gets to me now and then is that I know too well because of my life experiences, that you cannot count on time, things can change and suddenly your life is totally different than you thought it would be. That has happened to me more than once, it has left me afraid to put things off, afraid that I'm missing something or that I'll regret something. That's something I deal with constantly, I'm learning to let it go and stay in the moment, enjoy whatever is in front of me and try to stay balanced so I don't neglect people, pets or things around me just to accomplish something. I'm a virgo so this is not natural for me, I get going on something and get so focused I lose myself.
Anyway, this year I have some goals, not different from last year really but renewed my goals and did a review of last year to see if there is anything I would want to change or revamp. One thing that became glaringly obvious which I should know better is to stay on track with my own life and stop trying to please everyone else. This is a fault of mine and has been my whole life, it hasn't gotten me anywhere. I'm not exactly a pathological people pleaser like some people are but I can have tendency to make sure everyone else is ok while neglecting what would make me ok. I tried to turn that around especially after my divorce. I had to work hard at making sure my needs, rights, self-respect was protected because I KNEW no one else would and I was right. It was the first time I put myself in the front seat and I think it shocked a few people. I still smile when I think of it. The Front Seat!! Because of this realization about myself I now have people in my life who really care, who want me to be happy and think of my needs as well as their own. I've chosen a healing profession but I constantly balance that with honouring my own hopes and dreams and care for my own soul. I would have burned out in my work a long time ago if I hadn't and I can give so much more to clients because I have. They deserve and need someone who is whole and balanced.
So, stay on track, take time for balance and self and relationships and work like hell to finish this island house so we can get on with blissful ordinary life.
Hope
