Sunday, January 6, 2013

New Year

It was probably the 3rd of January when I finally realized it's a new year!  My usual time of reflecting and renewal is September for some reason so this sort of escaped me for a few days.  As the realization dawned on me I began to get the hopeful feelings that thoughts of the future bring.  I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who sees the world as an open book to be savoured and enjoyed, I only regret the things I'm not doing.  And that's a lot these days.  One of my major concerns is being so focused on this project of ours, how much am I missing out on the other things in life?  I don't feel a balance yet but this is the way it is when you have a big goal like this.  The truth is, what we're doing is the foundation for such amazing exploration of all kinds of, developing friendships, community connections, so much.  We are so focused on our task that it seems we are lacking in these areas right now.  One of the reasons it gets to me now and then is that I know too well because of my life experiences, that you cannot count on time, things can change and suddenly your life is totally different than you thought it would be.  That has happened to me more than once, it has left me afraid to put things off, afraid that I'm missing something or that I'll regret something.  That's something I deal with constantly,  I'm learning to let it go and stay in the moment, enjoy whatever is in front of me and try to stay balanced so I don't neglect people, pets or things around me just to accomplish something.  I'm a virgo so this is not natural for me, I get going on something and get so focused I lose myself. 
Anyway, this year I have some goals, not different from last year really but renewed my goals and did a review of last year to see if there is anything I would want to change or revamp.  One thing that became glaringly obvious which I should know better is to stay on track with my own life and stop trying to please everyone else.  This is a fault of mine and has been my whole life, it hasn't gotten me anywhere.  I'm not exactly a pathological people pleaser like some people are but I can have tendency to make sure everyone else is ok while neglecting what would make me ok.  I tried to turn that around especially after my divorce.  I had to work hard at making sure my needs, rights, self-respect was protected because I KNEW no one else would and I was right.  It was the first time I put myself in the front seat and I think it shocked a few people.  I still smile when I think of it.  The Front Seat!!  Because of this realization about myself I now have people in my life who really care, who want me to be happy and think of my needs as well as their own.  I've chosen a healing profession but I constantly balance that with honouring my own hopes and dreams and care for my own soul.  I would have burned out in my work a long time ago if I hadn't and I can give so much more to clients because I have.  They deserve and need someone who is whole and balanced. 
So, stay on track, take time for balance and self and relationships and work like hell to finish this island house so we can get on with blissful ordinary life. 


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