Well, Friday was one of the nicest days we've had around here in a long time, so we ditched the painting plans and went out for a walk and just sat at a viewpoint on a bench for about an hour taking in the wonderful view and reminding ourselves of why we came here in the first place and why we need to keep working at it. We needed a reminder. The middle of January is tough at the best of times but sometimes you can really forget how wonderful a nice day feels when you're inside all the time. When the sun came out, we looked out and decided on the spot to spend the day by the ocean. We wished we had brought a picnic but who thinks of that in winter? It seemed like everyone had the same idea, we ran into a lot of people on the trail. It felt like paradise here. Can't wait until summer now, and what motivation to keep on working until our place is done.
Sometimes it seems like we'll never get to the end of the jobs but while we're working at this we make a point of stopping what we're doing and enjoying good food, a movie maybe and going out to do a little shopping or to a local restaurant.
I am so looking forward to when we just have normal chores to do and we can live our normal life with a house that is finished. We are so close. When you are this close to a goal it seems that there's a plateau, an inertia that you have to get past to finish. I've been struggling with this lately so I was looking for some info on how to get past this phase, it can't be that uncommon. So I stumbled on this article about staying motivated while trying to accomplish something. Now I feel so much better. This is so true. Like the famous line by Woody Allen, 'most of success is just showing up'.
I thought about that a lot during the years after a great tragedy in my life.
I decided to keep showing up for life when it seemed like there were a lot of reasons to give up. I showed up and people showed up for me. I didn't need anything spectacular from anyone, just be there. I learned a lot from that time. I learned how to be there for other people too, even when you don't know what to do or say, it matters and it makes a big difference when you can stay with it and be there.
So we are going to continue to be there for ourselves and for our work on the house and we are going to make it!
Hope
I've realized something about island life that I'm not sure I know how to deal with. The fact is that getting people ie: plumbers, electricians etc to come to your house to do some work is not easy. They often don't come, don't call, show up later unexpectedly, overcharge, and on and on. We were told by people who have lived here for years that this was true even before we moved here. Because PJ is a carpenter we didn't worry too much, he can do a lot himself. But now we have seen that there are things we need help with and that we can't rely on them. At least we haven't found the secret yet. On the other hand, you hear islanders complain about people who get their help off-island. What do you do? We were of the mind to hire local and support the local economy but it's not working out for our need to get everything done.
Dilemma. Do we just go with the island pace and live in a half finished house for years longer than we want or do we do the unthinkable and hire someone to come over to help. We need to think about this. We need to keep the relationship with our community in mind always, this is such an important thing. But we've heard even local people talk about going off island for services that they can't get here. We're new here so it's a little different. People won't be as forgiving and we don't want to piss anyone off at least now before we know who's who. My many years of moving around has taught me that. Be nice to everybody at first, don't jump into any friendship right off the bat, take your time to get to know people and then it will be easy to spot the good ones, the ones you can trust. Then, voila, really good friends who are really good people. In other words, tread lightly at first, bide your time until you know people and situations and the answers will come. I think I just answered my own question.
And isn't that what we should all do in our lives anyway? Most of the biggest mistakes I have ever made was not sitting long enough to evaluate wisely and let the issue unfold long enough to know in my gut what to do. Internal compass. The best source of wisdom ever invented yet I still want to sort things out now!! Patience.
I need to read the poem Desiderata again, one of my favourite guides to living well that ever existed.
Ok, so its patience and observing and listening to my inner wisdom it is. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hope
Took the ferry back to the city this morning. In a way its good to be out and about with all the people who are going about their business, I get to peek inside their lives for a moment and I find myself wondering where they are going and where they come from. I have always done that while I travel. I let my imagination construct a story about everyone I meet. It would be so much fun to find out how right or wrong I was.
I'm realizing that I have to get serious about finding my permanent work situation (is anything permanent?) so I can plan more on the island. Things are just too up in the air for me right now. I'm tired of all the uncertainty and I need to get real and make decisions. Enough of all this wishful thinking, as much as I love it. We've set up a perfect foundation for our new life, now we have to take ACTION to make it work. I've been waffling for too long now.
Funny I have never though of consulting with anyone about organizing before but I'm starting to see that I'm not as good at that as I used to be. The thought has crossed my mind to consult with someone who is totally objective and will kick my butt. This is what my wishcraft exercises are teaching me too but I am feeling like I need outside help.
Anyway, I will let you know what I do and if it works. Its so easy to stall the at the action stage. And I'm stalling. I guess this is January isn't it.....new beginnings.
Hope
One thing I sort of anticipated, partly because we owned our island place years before we moved here, is the lack of need to lock everything up when we leave our house or car. In the city, we had enough experiences with theft and damage to lock everything, all the time. Even if I went for a short walk around the block or left my car to duck into a 7-11, I locked. I knew how desperate some people were (especially because I worked with some of these people) and was very aware that there are those that are always on alert for any opportunity, either a professional thief or a desperate person. One of my clients told me once that even when he when he turned over a new leaf and stopped stealing, he couldn't help noticing when people left their purse wide open or their car doors unlocked. He had radar for that sort of thing. He no longer acted on it, but he still noticed it years later. I was never paranoid about it but just realistic.
Our first observation was when the builders were working on the framing of the new addition. Their tools were all over our yard while working. They dropped them exactly where they were working at 5pm on Friday night and left them there til their return on Monday morning. We couldn't believe it. These were valuable power tools, not just hammers and nails. Nothing ever went missing. They laughed when we commented. City people.
I was in a store on the island the other day when I overheard one salesperson talk to another about the time she left her purse outside of the store on a picnic table in the park, wide open with her iphone right on top. She noticed an hour later that her purse was not with her, went to the table and there it was iphone and all. She congratulated herself for moving to the island.
So we never lock our door unless we're away for a few days, we leave a key where workers and neighbours can use it to get in, we don't lock our car on the island, in summer we can leave the car windows open all the time, I never worry about being here alone. Feels good to have that basic trust in your community and just makes life easier in general.
Hope
As I've been doing my homework about goals I came across what Barbara Sher calls being an 'artist of life'. She brought this up when asking us to choose a target and suggests that when you are solidifying a target you must take into consideration what kinds of dreams actually mean the most to you. For example, if someone wants to be rich and famous, is it for the public adulation, is it for the money and lifestyle, is it a stepping stone for other business opportunities, is it to prove to anyone who said you wouldn't amount to anything that you've made it? The goal itself is important but why you want that goal is as important or even more so. I've heard stories that once someone has 'made it' they looked around and it felt sort of empty, as if it should feel more rewarding than it does. Understanding why you chose this goal makes a big difference in how you experience acheiving it.
When I saw the phrase 'artist of life' I realized that this was me and that it is for a lot of island people, at least those who have chosen the island lifestyle. This means that for us, total quality of life is all-important. This really hit home, I've been in situations in the past where I could have chosen more of a career path and sacrificed other things but I find that extremely difficult and not worth it actually. No amount of money in the world is enough for me to sacrifice my day to day pleasures of the small things in life. I always feel like I'm wasting precious time, I need to have a good balance of both.
Last night I watched the movie Morning Glory on Netflix and I was kind of in awe of the main character, a woman who was extremely career oriented, loved to put every speck of energy she had into her work and loved every minute of it even if the pay wasn't that good, she loved the process and lived for it. I said to myself, this is not me at all but I can vicariously enjoy her life (and wish I had half of her energy). She was at the point in her career where she was giving it all and her personal relationships or lack thereof were beginning to show. She was beginning to realize this and was forced to narrow down her life goals and make some decisions. Her colleague Mike warned her not to make the same mistakes that he made, saying that he found out too late how important it was to put relationships up there with career goals. Interestingly the director was the same director as The Devil Wears Prada where the message is the same, Don't Give Up Everything For Your Career or You'll End Up Alone and Miserable in Your Success. Modern day Ebenezer Scrooges. Still true.
BUT.....as long as we know what we want, and are willing to accept the consequences of our choices, what the heck. We CAN choose to be rich and alone and shallow if we want to be, it's our decision. I always admire people who aren't afraid to admit that to themselves and others. Like Miranda Priestly who suffers some heartbreak but ultimately said 'they all want to be like us', and went on with her life. She paid the price willingly it seems. Not me. Not most of us I think.
Those of us who put lifestyle first, who are Artists of Life (I love that phrase) have to accept and honour that our goals of life quality are at the top of our priorities and we don't need to be ashamed of that, on the contrary, we should be proud.
This whole discussion has led me to another post, therapeutic movies and books. Later.
Hope
Still working on the workbook wishcraft. The most recent exercise asks us to imagine, without editing or considering any limitations, what our ideal day would look like. When I did mine I found that my ideal day was not too far off from what my life is like now. There were some differences like no money worries, we get to do what we want to do rather than have to work for money, but aside from that it was pretty similar. Maybe I just have no imagination or maybe I am close to living the way I want to live. I'm not sure. Anyway, the next thing we are asked to do is pick out the aspects of our day that are 1.essential, the ones that are 2.optional and the ones that are 3.frills, then looking at our essential list, figure out what's in the way of having them. What is the first step to take to make the essentials your life.
Whew. This sounds fun but its hard. I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself, this is just an exercise right?
Here's my essential list:
writing for work
travel/mobility
setting my own schedule/work from home
meaningful work
connection to a world wide community
PJ happy in his work too
enough money not to worry about bills
There. Now what's in the way. I already have some of these things but not exactly the way I want them. So...I don't write for a job yet. There's that. And I don't have enough money to not worry about it. I can set my own schedule pretty much but I don't work from home. My work is already very meaningful. I do not have a solid international community yet either. PJ is not happy with work at the moment.
So I need to find out how to write for a living.
Work from home.
Develop a community.
Make enough money, then PJ can find something he likes more.
Now.... the steps to take to make this happen, that's the next part and I have to think about it. This is the really hard part, the ACTION phase. It's easy to talk but more difficult to take action.
Funny how this all does tie in with my moving to an island. This is what islanders do...they make it work. They chose lifestyle first and then find a way. I'm becoming a real islander. Huh.
Anyway, on with my task.
Hope
It was probably the 3rd of January when I finally realized it's a new year! My usual time of reflecting and renewal is September for some reason so this sort of escaped me for a few days. As the realization dawned on me I began to get the hopeful feelings that thoughts of the future bring. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who sees the world as an open book to be savoured and enjoyed, I only regret the things I'm not doing. And that's a lot these days. One of my major concerns is being so focused on this project of ours, how much am I missing out on the other things in life? I don't feel a balance yet but this is the way it is when you have a big goal like this. The truth is, what we're doing is the foundation for such amazing exploration of all kinds of things...travel, developing friendships, community connections, so much. We are so focused on our task that it seems we are lacking in these areas right now. One of the reasons it gets to me now and then is that I know too well because of my life experiences, that you cannot count on time, things can change and suddenly your life is totally different than you thought it would be. That has happened to me more than once, it has left me afraid to put things off, afraid that I'm missing something or that I'll regret something. That's something I deal with constantly, I'm learning to let it go and stay in the moment, enjoy whatever is in front of me and try to stay balanced so I don't neglect people, pets or things around me just to accomplish something. I'm a virgo so this is not natural for me, I get going on something and get so focused I lose myself.
Anyway, this year I have some goals, not different from last year really but renewed my goals and did a review of last year to see if there is anything I would want to change or revamp. One thing that became glaringly obvious which I should know better is to stay on track with my own life and stop trying to please everyone else. This is a fault of mine and has been my whole life, it hasn't gotten me anywhere. I'm not exactly a pathological people pleaser like some people are but I can have tendency to make sure everyone else is ok while neglecting what would make me ok. I tried to turn that around especially after my divorce. I had to work hard at making sure my needs, rights, self-respect was protected because I KNEW no one else would and I was right. It was the first time I put myself in the front seat and I think it shocked a few people. I still smile when I think of it. The Front Seat!! Because of this realization about myself I now have people in my life who really care, who want me to be happy and think of my needs as well as their own. I've chosen a healing profession but I constantly balance that with honouring my own hopes and dreams and care for my own soul. I would have burned out in my work a long time ago if I hadn't and I can give so much more to clients because I have. They deserve and need someone who is whole and balanced.
So, stay on track, take time for balance and self and relationships and work like hell to finish this island house so we can get on with blissful ordinary life.
Hope
